The Third Man

I’m a choosy dater.  I’ll give (almost) anyone a chance at a first date, but I only continue seeing someone where I really feel the connection, the spark–potential.  True, this means I go on a lot of first dates, relatively few second dates, and spend a lot of time single.  But I’d rather be single than breaking some poor schmuck’s heart.  If I catch myself looking over your shoulder for something better, that’s it.  Moving on….

Unfortunately, I’ve dated more than one guy who does not share my dating philosophy.  In fact, I daresay most of the men I’ve dated are not like this; they pretty much come in two flavors:

There’s Insecure Guy who is convinced that he doesn’t deserve me and/or that I’m cheating on him.  I have a lot of guy friends, and I make this point known up-front, but alas, my guy friends are suddenly morphed into my secret lover the minute I start dating Insecure Guy.  I make it clear to him that I’m faithful to a fault; I’ve never cheated on anyone or anything–not even a math quiz.  And that’s usually the end of that, since I place trust at the utmost of my relationship requirements.  Moving on….

And of course there’s the complement to Insecure Guy, All-too-secure Guy.  This guy is a charmer, for sure.  But he uses his charm for evil purposes when he decides that he’s such a catch tha he really shouldn’t deny any hot young thing who glances his way a shot with him.  And so he cheats on me, and so I’m heart-broken.  Remember the trust thing?  Remeber the faithful-to-a-fault thing?  Yeah…moving on….

But then there’s the third type of guy.  I think I’ve met him, but I’ve never dated him.  I have a feeling if I ever dated him, that might be it.  That might be the relationship that’s too hard to screw up or throw away and so maybe we’d just stick with it.  Mind you, I have no reason to believe that this Third Man exists, just undying faith in the goodness of people and the benevolence of fate.

And Karma.

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4 Comments

Filed under Dating

4 responses to “The Third Man

  1. He does exists he finds you when you stop looking are mine did at least.

    • stacina

      I’m fairly certain he exists, too. In fact, he might exist within the other two types of guys…if they ever grow into The Third Man.

  2. Hey, the “Third Man” totally exists.

    I actually don’t get along well with other guys, often because of how they treat women. (Maybe that has to do with the fact that I took a semester of Honors Women’s Studies and learned a LOT. When you’re one of two guys in a room of 30 women and are expected to “defend man” you get humbled. =P)

    Unlike every guy I’ve ever met, I’ve been DYING to find a relationship and get married AND have kids. Yep. I am a guy, and I admitted I actually want a committed relationship, with marriage, with kids. *And the world ends.*

    Course, as life enjoys mocking us, I am in an entirely impossible-to-date situation, lengthily unemployed, in need of a career yet facing obstacles others don’t have to deal with (anxiety disorder, primarily.) So I get to sit back and watch a lot of other guys treat women like crap.

    Still- there ARE nice guys out there. Unfortunately, it is really true that “nice guys finish last” in many cases.

    Whatever the case may be, never “settle”. If you don’t feel the spark, you should follow your gut instinct.

    I’ve heard many people say “stop looking” and it’ll happen- but I stopped (due to my circumstances) and all that’s happened is the time between 27ish and 37 has gone *poof*.)

    Just know what you’re looking for, and accept nothing less. And never let a guy think he can get away with setting you to the side. That’s when they get set on the curb!

  3. 1st & 2nd guys agent

    3rd guy is gay !!!

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